DariaG’s House AgainJune 1
I was hungry for some bamboo, so I came back to DariaG’s house.
I still didn’t know how to get to my Rachel, so I asked some friends for advice.
Dragon told me that there are Wise Men who work in something called The Control Tower, and that if I had enough money, they would let me fly – yes, fly! – to Toronto, where Rachel lives. That would be so exciting, to fly! I have visions of being treated like a prince in first class.
But first, I need some money. My friends said I could ask around the neighborhood and see if there was any work I could do. I decided to start right where I was. I’ll never be as good a clown as Jon or Al, but I kept Eddie entertained.
Unfortunately, he’s a cat and doesn’t have any money to give me. But catnip is pretty addictive, let me tell you!
I knocked on doors around DariaG’s neighborhood.
The lady in this house let me mow her lawn. It’s hard work!
The next house I went to was remodeled, and they still needed some help painting.
I painted this room all by myself with a little brush! I am a bear using Behr paints, which reminds me of Zach Behr, who won The Amazing Race 3. And that makes me miss Rachel more, because it reminds me of her favorite show.
I was sad, so DariaG and The Zzard decided to take me somewhere fun for a surprise. Guess what we did? We went to a baseball game!
It was a game with a minor league team, and they had the nicest mascot. His name was Louie, and he held me gently and wished me good luck finding Rachel. Everyone loves Louie. And he’s so green!
I got my own seat in the stands. This is me before I pigged out on cotton candy. I’m a lot fatter now.
My darling Rachel is notorious for not liking children, and after listening to these children screech the U.S. national anthem, I am inclined to agree. They were horrible! And one of them walked by and hit me on the head! Rachel may want a million of my babies, but I don’t want all those kids in our house!
Later, The Zzard let me watch the game from his shoulder.
He and DariaG taught me the silliest alternative lyrics to Take Me Out to the Ballgame, written by a friend of The Zzard’s when they were in college many, many decades ago. Louie sang it the right way on the field with some of his friends.
Here’s what The Zzard, DariaG, and I sang instead:
Take me out to the boil cream,
Take me out to the trial,
Buy me some mushrooms and percodans,
I don’t care if I never have kids!
‘Cause it’s gulp, gulp, gulp for the Meltones,
If they don’t shave, it’s a sin,
For it’s one, two, three pipes, you’re sad,
By the old mill stream.
It doesn’t make sense, does it? The Zzard said you had to be there, which doesn’t make sense, either.
As we were leaving, after having such a good time, DariaG saw a bus for the visiting team.
She explained that there’s a Lake Erie, and Canada is on the other side of it. Maybe that bus was going there! But the mean bus driver wouldn’t let me on the bus with the baseball players. He said I needed more money. What is he talking about? I have $11.23 left after the cotton candy, and that should be enough, right? I guess it isn’t.
“We’ll get you to Canada some other way,” DariaG promised. I heard her and The Zzard talking on the way home, and I think they’re taking me out of town. I wonder where!