Shenandoah National ParkJune 7
DariaG and The Zzard decided that I need to go north, so I can be closer to finding Rachel. The Appalachian Trail goes north, and it goes through Shenandoah National Park, which is near where they live. So off we went!
The Zzard’s car has a moon roof. So I mooned.
When we got to the hotel, I went out on the balcony for a while.
But then Daria and The Zzard went away and left me alone in the room. And I sat on the bed and thought about Rachel.
I have fantasies.
Fantasies of what I would do if Rachel were really here with me, wearing sexy lingerie.
Hey, guess what I found! The Zzard wears this on his sore toe, but I wonder if it could be used for something else.
Oh, well. I’ll just drink some wine, which I would love to share with Rachel.
And I’ll watch a quality, enlightening movie so that I can impress her with the breadth of my cultural experience.
The next day, Daria and The Zzard took me hiking. I was ready.
But Daria had a different idea. I’m not so sure I like this!
I had to stop along the way. Yes, it’s true what they say about us bears. We do it in the woods.
Unfortunately, cell phone reception is lousy in the woods, and I could not reach my stockbroker. And that’s what bears do in the woods. We call our stockbrokers. Doesn’t everybody? Oh, yeah, we poop there, too. But everyone knows that already.
Finally, we reached the famed Appalachian Trail, which runs from the southern part of the US to the northern part. The idea was that if I could get to the northern end, I would be closer to Canada and to Rachel. So I went to one of the markers and started walking down the trail going north.
Then it got windy. Very, very windy. It was dangerous, and Daria and The Zzard were afraid that I would blow away and be lost forever. So they picked me up and promised to try again the next day. First, though, we stopped for a picture with The Zzard.
Suddenly, a huge gust of wind came along and sent everything and everybear flying.
“My hat!” cried The Zzard.
“The bear!” cried Daria.
“Crunch!” cried The Zzard’s expensive prescription sunglasses as they fell to the ground and Daria stepped on them as she lunged forward to save me.
“[words unsuitable for public]” cried The Zzard.
“It’s only the nose pad, your optician can fix it!” cried Daria.
“[more words unsuitable for public]” cried The Zzard.
And that was the end of that!
The Zzard was not happy and blamed the whole thing on me, even though it was Daria who stepped on his expensive prescription sunglasses.
But soon we made up. The Zzard and I had a nice man-to-bear talk about women. He gave me some advice on wooing Rachel.
We went out to hear a musician play that night, and Daria got me my very own beer.
The musician, Lee Blanton, is very good and has a website where you can order his CD. He is a nice man who is married to a nice, funny lady who is friends with Daria and sat with us during the show. Lee asked me to join him for a duet.
We were great singers! We made the people in the audience so happy, they got up and danced!
Lee and I made lots of tips, which means I have more money now. That night I decided that the Appalachian Trail was too dangerous for a small bear like me, so I am going into the entertainment business! That way, I’ll earn lots of money and be able to keep Rachel in high style.
Maybe I should go back to New York City if I want to be a famous singer. I just hope I don’t party too much when I’m there this time.