After the trauma of my last visit, I decided to go south to Los Angeles. I heard that lucinator had actually met Rachel in person so I wanted her advice!
She said that Rachel loves both Keifer Sutherland and Sawyer (from Lost) – but not as much as she loves me, of course – so we should go look for them! First we went to Hollywood.
It was so hot that we stopped to cool off with some refreshments. I was so thirsty that I had two drinks!
I drank so much that I had an accident. Oops! What can I say? I’m only a year old.
We left quickly and went to the beach. I wonder where we should go next.
We decided to go to Rodeo Drive because we were sure to find stars there! The name of this store reminded me of the people I’ve met while searching for Rachel.
Lucinator suggested asking this wise old bear for advice. His name is Bruin. He must be smart because he lives at a university!
Bruin told us that we should go to the studios to see the stars. We went to CBS to see if we could find Phil from Rachel’s favorite show, The Amazing Race. Unfortunately, he wasn’t there. :(
Next we went to ABC to find Sawyer from Lost.
We got lost ourselves though so we asked these guys for directions. I think they misunderstood us because they sent us to a party!
We decided to go to Fox to find Keifer Sutherland. Unfortunately, by the time we got there, it was closed.
I was so bummed out that lucinator took me to the Santa Monica Pier to cheer me up. It would have been more fun if I didn’t have to wear that stupid panda leash again!
After a long day, I decided to get some rest so I could get on the road again tomorrow. I hope I’ll be able to find Rachel at my next destination!
July 18, 2006 at 9:35 pm | Travels | No Comments
I arrived at FrostieJ’s home in Santa Clara, CA on Thursday. I was very happy to see her. We spent a few minutes chit-chatting.
FrostieJ had searched a Panda Dating Website and arranged a date for me. Her name was Shalonda. We shared a few Coronas.
I was feeling a little frisky and in my excitement, I bit FrostieJ. She did not like it.
So, I borrowed her computer for a while to surf the net. I was trying to find my one true love, or at least something to take my mind off of her.
I then turned to my new friend, who welcomed my advances. I was beginning to get over my heartache for you-know-who.
After we got aquainted, I was feeling much better…so much better that I removed that stupid button.
FrostieJ took me and my new friend, Shalonda to “Buck’s of Woodside”, which is TAR9 Tyler’s family’s restaurant.
A couple of very nice ladies were throwing me a welcome to CA party. I could not wait to meet them.
They were truly a blast. It was Honeycocoa and Pink Godzilla!! They kept an eye on me.
Even when I was swinging from the boot suspended from the ceiling, they were there.
Honeycocoa spoke with TAR9’s Dave on the phone. I eavesdropped.
I was in pure heaven. I frolicked around the bar. Finally Shalonda asked me to show her some attention.
I sat back down with Shalonda, but WOW…I spotted one Hot Furry Mama. I had to do something to impress her.
I donned a beautiful headpiece. I knew that I would get this hottie’s attention.
On the way to the restroom, I was stopped my some bitch. She was not my type.
Then, this toadilly cool dude stopped me. He had recognized me from my website. He was upset, his friend had croaked.
Oh, man…was I honored to be photographed with The King! Eat your heart out. I am a hunk-a-hunk-a-burnin’ love.
I posed with Honeycocoa, FrostieJ and Pink Godzilla. We were really having a great time.
I was also honored to have my photo taken with Lady Liberty. I am a proud American.
On my way back to the table, the hottie stopped me. I got lost in her eyes…..and in her….
I think I pissed Shalonda off. I had really had too many Margaritas. Thank goodness it was time to go. Hottie left with us.
I think maybe the girls had too much too…they said something about mounting the biggest thing they saw….woo hoo.
I had never ridden a wooden fish before, but it seemed like the girls had.
The next morning I woke up to a surprise. Shalonda wasn’t happy at all. In fact, she stormed out.
I did not feel very well. After Shalonda left, I spent a few moments worshipping the porcelain throne.
Later that day, I got to know my new hottie. She was so sweet and playful.
We shared a few kisses and laughed a lot.
What a sense of humor she had! There was a knock and my lil’ hottie answered it. I heard a scream.
It was horrible.
It was Shalonda…with a weapon!
I ran and hid. I did not want to be harmed. I have heard about Internet dating nightmares.
I disguised my self and felt a lot safer.
I could not get over the sight of my little headless hottie. I knew it was time to go.
I ran and got the labels and asked FrostieJ to send me away.
We said our goodbyes. One thing led to another, I stayed the night.
So, it was goodbye to FrostieJ and I was off to my next location. I need a vacation.
July 16, 2006 at 9:25 am | Travels | No Comments
It’s my Birthday! Today is the big day. I just know I’ll see Rachel – and she’ll sing to me! M. Darcy, miri, Tribefan, PepeNY and I all went to the zoo for the big birthday party - Daria is going to join us later in the day. When I got to the zoo, they had cake, cookies, and party favors. All of this just for me?
One of the things they gave away were cute little “take out” boxes. They were just the perfect size for me!
They had smart people there telling the crowds all about pandas. They also had the crate that my parents arrived at the zoo in. They came all they way from China. That’s even farther away than Rachel is.
It felt weird watching my real self enjoying my birthday fruitsicle with mom. I really wished I could have joined in on that. Sometimes, I miss my mom something awful. But I guess I shouldn’t say that now that I’m a big boy.
I got to meet a lot of important people! This is Lisa:
She is very important - she takes care of the pandas at the zoo. She also writes about me for the zoo. I think she does a good job letting the world know how darn cute I am.
This is a very nice woman - she is a photographer who lets the zoo sell her photos to make money for the pandas (we are very expensive). She’s there all the time and it was nice seeing her up close for a change.
They also had a giant fake panda there. His fur looked rather hot and I worried that he wasn’t going to make it through the day. Pandas aren’t used to this hot weather, you know. He happily posed for a photo with me, though.
Sadly, Rachel never showed up. But there were so many people there, maybe I just never saw her. That’s possible right?
July 9, 2006 at 10:39 pm | Travels | 1 Comment
After that, hmm, let’s just say interesting, trip to Chicago, the ATCs were nice enough to send me back to M. Darcy. This was important because July 9th was the big birthday celebration at the zoo. I figured that Rachel had to show up there - a bear only turns 1 once. And even if she didn’t show up, I could use a nice clean party ’round about now. A bear can only take so much, you know!
After I arrived back at M. Darcy’s house, I noticed that since my last visit she has even more Ugly Dolls.
When I asked her how many Ugly Dolls a person needs, she told me to ask miri.
On Saturday, M. Darcy and I met up with Macaddict, Tribefan and miri to take a tour around Washington DC. At first, we waited around outside.
Finally, Macaddict was smart enough to point us indoors to buy tickets. While waiting outside, I toppled over and miri took a picture. She says I was trying to look up M. Darcy’s skirt, but it was an accident. I swear!
After that, they made me sit in M. Darcy’s purse.
We went around DC on the tourmobile. All day long, people kept complaining about the lack of leg room on the bus. I don’t know what they were talking about. I was rather comfy.
During the tour, I snuggled up to Macaddict and M. Darcy. They are such pleasant people; they helped me recover from my ordeal in Chicago.
They really helped me after the sadness I felt from watching the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.
We went to the Jefferson Memorial. First, I enjoyed the view from the steps.
miri even took a picture of M. Darcy taking a picture of me. (Don’t tell anyone, but sometimes I think these people are rather strange.)
Then, I went inside where I saw I saw a statue of Thomas Jefferson.
Inside the memorial, M. Darcy took a picture that she called a “Mr. Pseudostudent Shot” - which seems very silly.
After that, we headed to the Musuem of American History for lunch. On the way, we admired the Washington Monument.
PepeNY joined us for lunch and I ate a hamburger that was as big as me!
Every one kept talking and talking at lunch. I thought they would never stop. When M. Darcy was busy listening to gossip (not gossiping, just listening to gossip), I grabbed her phone and tried to call Rachel. But panda paws aren’t really made to push those tiny little phone buttons. Not even baby panda paws.
After they were finally done talking, we went upstairs and saw the Ruby Red Slippers and I got my picture taken with the Swedish Chef! Fellow stuffed beings! Well, kind of stuffed. Right?
After all that touring about, we decided to get some rest. I needed to be ready for the big day tomorrow – my birthday! I can’t wait to hear Rachel’s sweet voice singing “Happy Birthday.”
July 8, 2006 at 6:29 pm | Travels | No Comments
I’m still recovering from my trip to Chicago. You’ll see why when you read this special column that was written by my so-called hosts while in Chi-town.
“In Control” – Special Edition
by Steve & Dave
Perhaps the readers of TARflies are already familiar with Woo Pee, the stuffed panda that is currently traveling across the country, stopping in the hometowns of various TARflies contributors and regulars. If not, look elsewhere on this site and you should find a description of his (hers? its?) journeys to date. This is the recap of Ting Ling’s stop in Chicago, where he visited with Steve and Dave.
Tee Pee (the stuffed panda) arrived in Aurora at the home of former Amazing Racer Dave on June 28 courtesy of the good folks in the U.S. Postal Service.
Poo Poo (the stuffed panda) and the box in which he arrived. Apparently the mailman threw the box onto Dave’s porch from the curb (approx. 25 feet), which explains the condition of the package.
Of course, since all of Dave’s children are long since grown he was somewhat unfamiliar with the care of stuffed pandas. Thus he decided that Woo Seer (the stuffed panda) would spend the night with the other stuffed animals in his house. While Tip Tow (the stuffed panda) hasn’t said too much about what happened during the rest of the evening, Dave did awake to discover this:
Woo Hoo (the stuffed panda) performs an unspeakable act on one of Dave’s wife’s stuffed animals (”Maurice”, the Gangster of Love Bear).
To avoid any further problems, Dave decided to take Moo Shoo (the stuffed panda) to work with him that morning. This would serve two purposes, as he could get some pictures of Toe Nail (the stuffed panda) where Steve & Dave work, and he could also then turn Fung Hus (the stuffed panda) over to Steve for the remainder of his visit.
Steve thought it might be fun to let Ring Ding (the stuffed panda) actually experience the thrill of talking to live air traffic, and decided to give him a headset and plug him in.
Bel Mahn (the stuffed panda) wearing a headset and about to control live air traffic.
Of course, neither Steve nor Dave realized that a headset designed to fit an adult human probably would not fit a rather tiny stuffed panda. Fortunately, the FAA has now classified the ensuing mishap as just an “incident,” and all parties have been returned to duty without further penalty. (In a curious twist of fate, the powers that be within the FAA have gone so far as to promote Wah Bit (the stuffed panda) to Regional Administrator, due to his unswerving dedication to air safety and consummate professionalism.)
Although it looks potentially fatal, the above was only an incident.
Next Steve & Dave decided that Daw Gee (the stuffed panda) might enjoy one of their favorite pastimes, bowling. So at the end of the shift, all three headed off to the local lanes for some fun on the hardwood. Sadly, the good folks that make bowling equipment have so far neglected to make equipment that a very small stuffed panda can use, so Gow Sahks (the stuffed panda) was relegated to watching Steve and Dave as they bowled.
Riim Shawt (the stuffed panda) finds a seat close to the action so he can watch
Perhaps the seat was a little too close.
The following morning, Steve & Dave (along with Steve’s Daughter, Olivia - better known as a guest columnist) decided to take Wee Nee (the stuffed panda) on a tour of Chicago. First stop was the tallest building in the United States, the Sears Tower.
Steve, Dave, Steve’s daughter Olivia, and Chai Tea (the stuffed panda) visit the Sears Tower
Steve and Dave decided to give Mai Dai (the stuffed panda) the thrill of a lifetime by allowing him to do some base-jumping from the Sears Tower. However, it turns out that this type of activity is definitely frowned upon, and may even be illegal. So Dave and Olivia took Gow Pak (the stuffed panda) to the top of the tower, while Steve stayed below (in order to catch him), as shown in the above picture.
Steve gets distracted
Unfortunately, Steve got distracted shortly before Ahk Nee (the stuffed panda) was due to arrive at the base of the tower. Who knew stuffed pandas could bounce that high?
The gang finished their day of sightseeing just in time to settle down and watch a grand display of fireworks, in honor of our nation’s independence. This is when Goo Fee (the stuffed panda) learned a valuable lesson.
Rhibb Eye (the godless heathen communist stuffed panda) prepares to light some fireworks of his own.
If you aren’t a real citizen of the United States, lighting fireworks to celebrate the independence of the U.S.A. is probably a bad idea, and could even get you hurt.
Khammi Pingo (the formerly stuffed panda) gets injured in a fireworks accident.
Remember kids: all fireworks are dangerous. Even when used properly and with adult supervision, accidents can happen. Learn from the untimely demise (ok, not actually demised, but really hurt bad) of Khore Veht (the stuffed panda) and don’t play with fireworks.
Too soon, it was time for Tee Vee (the stuffed panda) to rejoin the U.S. postal service for a journey to his next destination.
For those of you who have found this “travelogue” to be somewhat of a letdown when compared to a normal “In Control”, please keep the following in mind:
Say nice things about this column or we blow the panda away - whatever his name is.
July 3, 2006 at 10:40 pm | Travels | No Comments
