So after TutCon, unfortunately, no one could offer me a lift to Toronto. The Last Dodo, however, offered to let me crash with him in New York for a bit if I wanted. I decided that sounded like a good idea because even if I couldn’t find Rachel, I did really like New York the times I’d been there, and since I’d already gotten the touristy stuff out of the way, I could just relax and see what it was like to live like a real East Villager! Now that I had my ear pierced, I was sure to blend in like a native!
We got back to his place, where an official welcome to New York was already waiting for me.
The Last Dodo and his friend Jessica took me out on a tour of the neighborhood. The Last Dodo even had a comfy traveling vehicle for me so I could relax and enjoy the sights.
Here is The Last Dodo and me on his front steps.
Then we were off! Here I am traveling in style.
This is the Life Café, which is mentioned in Rent. The Last Dodo lives a block away from where Rent was set.
Then we went across the street to one of the coolest places in the East Village-Tompkins Square Park. Tons of things have happened here-everything from Vietnam War protests in the 60s to Wigstock.
This is me and Jessica at the Temperance Fountain. It’s been around since 1891! The other sides say HOPE, CHARITY, and TEMPERANCE at the top.
As long as I was here, may as well get a drink, right?
Tompkins Square Park is also a great place to relax and people watch. Here’s The Last Dodo and me taking a break.
Then Jessica and I played a game of chess. It was a little hard with no pieces, but we managed. I won, of course.
All hail the Chessmaster! WHO’S NEXT?!?
One of the cool things about New York is you never know what you’re going to find just walking around. Just outside the park was a small Farmer’s Market on the sidewalk. Here I am inspecting the pumpkins.
St. Marks Place between Second and Third Avenue is one of the most famous and crowded blocks in the East Village, although it’s kind of touristy now. Here I am on the Second Avenue corner.
Next we stopped by the famous Theatre 80 St. Marks, which has been around for ages-You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown ran here in the 60s. For a while it was a revival movie house, but now it’s a theater again.
They have handprints of the stars out front. You can’t see it too well, but here’s Joan Crawford’s. I think she’d be mad at the dirt.
A couple blocks up, The Last Dodo was shocked to see that the famous 2nd Avenue Deli had closed. Just like Theatre 80, though, they also still have something theater-related on their sidewalk-stars commemorating the stars of Yiddish theater, which was big in this area years ago.
Katz’s Deli is still around, though. This is where the woman wanted to have what Meg Ryan was having in When Harry Met Sally.
All these food destinations made us hungry. Of course, when you’re in New York, you’ve got to get some pizza at some point!
But there are plenty of other things to eat here, from the exotic to the staples like burgers…
And fries.
That fry guy was a little scary. I think he needs some serious therapy. And/or meds.
Then we decided to see a movie-Marie Antoinette. I was pleasantly surprised to find that every seat in the theater had panda-sized accommodations!
After the movie, Jessica went home and The Last Dodo and I explored the neighborhood some more. There are so many things to do in the East Village! Like-
“Good evening! I’m Julie Chen.”
*blinks*
“It’s been a busy week for Tai Sham, the runaway panda from the National Zoo! How has he spent his time on his trip to New York? And will he ever connect with Rachel, the world’s bitchiest receptionist from Toronto? BUT FIRST–”
“Um–”
“I’m sorry, Tai Sham. You can’t speak until we reach the portion of the program where I address you. And now, let’s say hello to the runaway panda. Hello, runaway panda!”
“Bite me, Chenbot.”
“Tai Sham, the runaway panda from the National Zoo, has just directed profanity my way. How will this affect my continuing presence in this blog? And will–EEP!”
I don’t screw around.
ANYWAY, like I was saying, there are so many things to do here. For example, you can get a tattoo!
I was going to get a big heart with RACHEL on it, but unfortunately their special fur needles were on backorder.
Then The Last Dodo took me to one of his favorite places-The Sunburnt Cow.
It’s an Australian restaurant by his house that has awesome food and drinks. As you can see, all the furniture has a cow motif.
Did I mention how awesome the drinks are?
They also have the friendliest staff in the world. When our bartender found out my mission, she insisted on getting a picture of the two of us.
Then it was time to call it a night. The next day, The Last Dodo explained that he couldn’t bring me to his work at the event marketing firm because they have a strict NO PANDA policy ever since the last one embezzled a bunch of money and gave away trade secrets. I wanted to have a chat with the owner about panda discrimination, but The Last Dodo said that since he was only freelancing there, it was probably best not to make waves. I understood, although there went my plans to be Temporary Senior Ombudsman. He gave me free rein of the apartment while he was gone, though, so I hopped on the Internet and caught up on vital current events.
He did take me along with him when he got his hair chopped off, though. His stylist Kirsty made me an Official Dye Assistant.
Finished result.
So the next day, while he was at work, I decided to-
“Oh, look Endora! It’s Tai Sham the panda!”
*sigh*
“He’s searching for his true love Rachel, the world’s bitchiest receptionist! Of course, little does he know that I’ve placed a curse on him dooming him to search forever in vain! You see, if Tai Sham and Rachel ever meet, the resulting overwhelming joy and happiness will destroy the Dark Side forever! And if that were to happen, then you and I, Endora, as witches, are doomed! And we simply can’t have that!”
“Um–I can hear you.”
“Oh! Well–um–er–oh, pay no attention to me. I was talking about a DIFFERENT Tai Sham and a DIFFERENT Rachel, you see! Yes, that’s it! It’s all the rage nowadays, you know! Well, I’d best get back to Harmony. Siren the Mermaid is causing problems again! You see, the Mermaid’s Curse specifies that once a mermaid makes love to a mortal…”
Sigh. Well, great. I’m cursed. It did explain a lot, though. I’ve been searching for Rachel for months and months and…nothing. I felt like a clown.
I guess, deep down, I-
“Ever since he was a little cub, Tai Sham the panda had always believed that–”
“Oh, go learn a new speech pattern, you annoying repetitive smug self-satisfied dead hag!”
“Er–spring comes every year to Wisteria Lane!”
“And that’s different from the rest of the world how exactly, lady?”
“Um–cameras are instruments used to capture images–AACK!”
ANYWAY, I was really depressed. I didn’t know what to do. So I tried talking to some of the other people in the apartment.
Carrie was a good listener, but she didn’t say anything. She just stood there. And stared. It creeped me out, quite frankly.
So I tried talking to The Duck, but he wasn’t particularly receptive.
So I guess I’m on my own. Maybe listening to some upbeat music would take my mind off things. The Last Dodo has a huge collection!
This looked like a nice cheery selection!
Or not. Great. Now I feel ten times worse. So I tried drinking to numb the pain…
Didn’t work. In desperation, I tried something I’ve seen people do in movies…
All it did was tickle my nose, though. Maybe that white powder is something else? I knew it was something-cane, so I just assumed…
God, I’m miserable. My whole life is a lie. Maybe I should just end it all….
Just then The Last Dodo came home. He immediately gave me a big hug and made me some coffee to sober up.
I told him what had happened and he told me I should have called him immediately, and that in the future I could call him anytime, day or night, if I ever needed to talk. That made me feel a little better. Furthermore, he said Tabitha was a pretty incompetent witch so odds are the curse wasn’t even that strong. I still felt kind of depressed though. So he made me take a good long look at myself in the mirror….
…until I could start to see my old, happy self. It took awhile, but eventually I could do it! Then he told me that he understands what it’s like to feel depressed and like things are hopeless, but that he was confident I’d meet Rachel soon. And sometimes, he’s found, just when things are at their darkest, life will give you a sign of some sort to help you keep going. Then he tucked me in and told me to get some rest.
And sure enough, in the middle of the night-
It was a sign! Just like The Last Dodo said! But I wonder what tidings-
YAY! I was overjoyed! Although I wonder-
Ah. But I was so happy I couldn’t stand it! Now I know exactly where to find my beloved Rachel! I woke The Last Dodo up and he was so happy for me too! Now the only question is-how can an underemployed actor/event coordinator get a panda with no assets to Toronto?
October 30, 2006 at 9:07 pm | Travels | No Comments
I heard a bunch of TARflies were getting together in Chicago to see some dead guy. A guy that’s been dead a long time. I didn’t quite understand wanting to see that, but I’d heard that Rachel had promised to be there and that if she backed out, people had planned on kidnapping her! I had to go – if for no reason than to protect her from these morbid kidnapping weirdoes.
I flew out there with my friends Mei Mei and lucinator.
We were greeted at the airport by Tribefan and emjaytee.
Then miri took me out to see the Frank Lloyd Wright Studio.
We got to tour his house. It was nice not to be the exhibit for a change. After that, we went out for a tasty dinner (these gals know how to eat) and to the store to pick up some supplies. That’s where we ran into a scary mad scientist! He tried to turn me and Kanuck’s friend Baby Panda into his latest experiment!
Thanks goodness the ladies noticed and rescued me.
What did they rescue me to, though? They said something about pirates in emjatee’s room. Pirates? Aren’t they kind of scary?
emjaytee doesn’t think they are. She introduced me, Baby Panda and Mei Mei to Captain Jack. Turns out the ladies (lucinator, TPorter2, pinkgodzilla, Tribefan, emjaytee, Kanuck and miri) were having a pajama party so that they could watch a movie. (Some people got more into the idea of “pajama party” than others.)
So, we settled down to watch the movie. Seems like someone was more interested in watching us, though – miri snuck up to take pictures of us.
Of course, that meant someone had to take a picture of miri taking a picture of us. Turns out, these people love to take pictures of people taking pictures! It kept happening the whole trip!
After we were pirated out, it was bed time. We needed our sleep to be ready to see the dead guy the next day.
The following morning, lucinator, Kanuck, miri and I walked to a big aquarium. We stopped to take some pictures along the way – of course! The aquarium was in a place called the “Museum Campus” because there are so many museums around. We posed for a picture on the sign and then found out why it’s called “The Windy City.”
Lucky for us, Kanuck came to our rescue before we blew away!
We saw a statue honoring Christopher Columbus. It said something on the base about him discovering and claiming the land. For some reason, this made everyone snort.
Near the museum, there’s a great view of the city, some water and pretty boats. We sat and enjoyed it for awhile.
There were a lot of birds there!
I found a big giant head on the museum grounds. I thought for sure that a head that large must contain a lot of wisdom and could help me find Rachel, so I tried to talk to the head.
But he wasn’t a very chatty fellow.
The aquarium was a lot of fun, but my friends seemed more interested in the fish than a stuffed panda, so they didn’t take a single picture of me in there! Hmph! They only took one picture of me in the museum where they saw the dead guy.
Bart let me wear his cap. He was really happy and said that the tigers won. That scared me because I’m just a little bear! They just laughed though. Sometimes, I really don’t think they like me very much. Oh well, it will be worth putting up with all that time stuffed in their bags (something about pandas not being allowed in the museums) in order to see my Rachel! They were going out to dinner that evening for Chicago-style pizza. Rachel likes food, right? Certainly she’ll be there.
All the TARflies are planning on meeting at the hotel lobby before dinner and that’s where I got to meet my new friends Mr. Loraxe and wgram.
No, sadly, not Rachel, but fun people just the same! Lucinator also made sure I got to hang out with my panda friends.
And then another newcomer showed up – a BURRO! We did our best to make him feel right at home.
Since we weren’t sure if the pizza place had bamboo on the menu, we helped ourselves to the table decoration.
We waited and waited, but no Rachel. I met the people who were supposed to kidnap her and asked them what was up. They said they were worried they would get in trouble at the border and be sent to jail. I don’t know what “the border” is, but I kind of have an idea what a jail is and that doesn’t sound good. So, I forgave them even if it broke my heart. I spent the rest of the evening in miri’s bag – too upset to show my face to all my friends. I didn’t want to spoil their good times and they respected my need for some alone time.
Knowing I was upset, my friends tried to distract me the next day. We started out going on a boat! In the wind…and the cold. We got to see a lot of cool things, but I sure would have enjoyed it better if I could have cuddled up to Rachel! I had to make do with Kanuck.
I’m sure Rachel would have overlooked the sea sickness, right?
After that, we went to the pier and on a HUGE ferris wheel! You could see all around the city and pretty far away. Not quite far enough away for me, though.
I also went on a surrey ride with my panda friends.
And, before we left, I got to go on the Merry-go-round with PepeNY and Ryan! It was fun…well, until the lion decided he wanted a snack.
After I was rescued (again!), we went walking around the city a bit. I got to see Buckingham Fountain – they started one season of Rachel’s show here.
There was a lot of spitting going on at the fountain.
Tribefan did her best to keep me safe from all the spit.
Next up was a lot more walking. Everyone was mesmerized by a thing called “The Bean” – too mesmerized to be bothered taking my picture there. Hmph! I did get to meet a cultural cow though.
At least, I guess he was cultural as he was outside of the Culture Center. That was nice, until I got in the way of one of his horns and, once again, had to be rescued.
Chicago’s turning out to be a tough town!
Next up was a big dinner with something called Crudite that I wasn’t allowed to touch. That didn’t seem to stop the TARflies from touching it…and being naughty.
After that, I needed a drink.
Or five.
Not everyone there was scary or doing strange things with squash. In fact, some people were nice.
Wait? Isn’t that the scary man who held a gun to my head one time! Eeeeee! Make him go away! I decided to try and hide in the crowd…
…and have a few more drinks.
On the way back to the hotel, we met a gorilla!
He was nicer than some people at the party. That’s for sure.
And then, it was time for everyone to leave. Another trek without Rachel. I wasn’t quite sure what to do. Luckily, one of Rachel’s pretend boyfriends offered to take me to NY next. I’ve been to NY so much, it’s kind of become a second home to me, so I took him up on the offer.
October 25, 2006 at 9:50 pm | Travels | No Comments
I got tired of waiting for Rachel at the Lost beach, so I asked Babalu to send me back to the mainland. She said it was OK. I was finally visiting a racer who wouldn’t drop me off the Sears Tower! I had heard Babalu talking about sending me to something that sounded like “Kris” or “Chris.” Since there were lots of “Kris”-es and “Chris”-es on The Amazing Race, I figured I had a pretty good chance. But when I opened the box, I found a girl cub looking back at me! I felt confused. I didn’t know Kris or Chris had cubs. But it turned out I was highly mistaken. (Those are some of the big words I learned here.)
I was in New Jersey, and I was staying with a young TARfly named Tris. Anyway, shortly after I arrived Tris had to practice the piano. (I watched from the music stand.) When she was done, she got an idea that maybe my Rachel will be impressed if I can play the piano. So she showed me how to play a few songs, and I think I sounded pretty good.
The world’s first panda pianist genius!
But when Tris’ dad came by, he told her that maybe I should impress Rachel other ways, and she seemed to agree. She couldn’t figure out something just yet, so I went up to her room. There were lots of pretty girl bears there!
There was a bit of confusion about who my Rachel button referred to, since one of the bears’ name was Rachel, and she thought the button was for her. (She was pretty cute, too.) But I shall remain faithful, unlike in California. I have matured greatly! I shall resist!
The next day, Tris and her family were going out for lunch with some friends, and I hitched a ride.
I don’t like traveling in purses, but hey, a panda’s gotta do what a panda’s gotta do!
It turned out that they were going for dim sum! Tris gave me a ride on a little carousel on the table.
I had dim sum after TARcon, but I didn’t really like it then. I don’t like it very much now either. Tris and her friend Spazzbert McFriendly thought I was crazy, but I think I’ll stick to bamboo. Luckily, Tris found me some!
After my meal, I wanted to go for a swim with the giant fish in the pond. Some of them even leap out of the water, so I thought it would be pretty cool, eh?
But Tris caught me and said that I couldn’t. She did take some cool pictures though.
I was so tired after my meal! I thought I’d listen to some relaxing music.
Here I am checking if Rachel is on TARflies,
and helping Tris with her English homework.
I was starting to feel a little bored, but then I got an idea. Rachel loves High School Musical, and Tris’ school play is High School Musical! I looked through Tris’ audition material
and I studied the songs. I was just in the middle of belting out “Breaking Free” when Tris found me and said it was time to watch The Amazing Race.
In this commercial, someone is wearing a goofy Groucho Marx nose.
Kellie and Jamie were eliminated in this episode. Tris cheered when Lyn and Karlyn reached the mat, and after Kellie and Jamie were eliminated, she did something called the “Happy Dance.” She taught me how to do it too, so I could impress my Rachel by dancing. But I think she’s better at it than me.
Tris said I have two right feet or something. Whatever that means.
The next day, I found myself in Tris’ purse again. She said that we were going to a thing called school. It was even more packed than when I rode in it to the Chinese restaurant, and I got really scared. Then, I heard a sweet voice calling my name. It could only be my Rachel! I thought. For a long time, I searched the deepest recesses of Tris’ purse, until I found her. But it wasn’t Rachel-Tris had another panda living in her purse, and a cute one too. She said her name was Amanda and she lived on Tris’s cell phone. We talked some more, and after finding out that we were mutually compatible
(This photo has been censored)
But about 2 seconds after that began, I felt light on my face-Tris was opening the purse!
BUSTED!
Tris said I was a very naughty bear. She had to watch a movie called “The Miracle Of Life” in health class- and I had to watch as punishment for all the naughty things I had done.
I will not disclose the details, but I saw what no panda has seen before, and I never want to see it again. I should report Tris for cruelty to pandas!
She showed me a photo of a kitten on her camera, and I felt a little better. Tris dropped me back in her purse. But when she opened it again later well Amanda and me had been tossed around a bit when she ran, and
This isn’t what it looks like.
I had to have a time-out in Tris’s locker! But later I told Tris that it was an accident, and she apologized and found a friend for me.
I tried to teach him to say, “I love Rachel.” The only problem is that he didn’t speak panda.
As the second part of her apology, Tris gave me some human food that I actually like. (Was it REALLY an accident? I’ll never tell.)
She also got me a Vitamin Water. (Man, I love that stuff!)
For the rest of the day I just hung out, and the next day Tris was sick and couldn’t go to school. She didn’t play with me, and Tris has no pets for me to play with ever since her fish died. Tris didn’t want me getting sick, so I stayed with Tris’s dad for the day. Since he’s married he must know how to impress girls. Tris’s dad told me if I was smart, Rachel would be impressed and would like me more. So I read the dictionary
and practiced onn some of the cute girl bears in Tris’s room. They didn’t seem very impressed, but my Rachel must be more sensitive to these things.
The next day, Tris went back to school and I rode in her purse again. Tris says that artistic boys impress her, so I studied my lyrics in chorus. Tris covered her ears, but maybe other bears will like my singing.
OK, scratch that idea.
That night, I sat on Tris’ desk while she did her homework, and I noticed these funny things with designs on one end with points on the other. Tris said that they were earrings and she wears them in her ears. I asked if I could wear them. Tris thought about it, and then said yes! But then I discovered that Tris had to put a hole in my ear with a needle first.
I don’t like needles! The zookeepers used to stick them in me when I was a baby, and they hurt a lot! So
Tris woke me up, and the next time I was a brave panda. Tris made the hole, and we picked out some earrings.
Too big.
Too girly.
Too big and girly.
Just right!
The next day, I was getting a little hungry for bamboo, since I hadn’t had any since the Chinese restaurant. Tris didn’t have any in her house, but she knew where to find some.
Ahh, what bliss!
Bamboo and Vitamin Water, it doesn’t get any better than this! If only my Rachel were her to share it with me
A few days later, Tris was using iTunes to listen to music. I remember that Rachel has very strong feelings for High School Musical, Celine Dion, and U2-so I asked Tris to make a mix CD. Tris had her doubts about how much Rachel would like it, but with my cute, pleading voice, I won the fight!
Here I am making my Rachel’s new favorite CD!
I have to go back to Austin where miri is going to take me to TutCon. Rachel was supposed to be there, but she couldn’t come. (Sob) However, I have the CD to make sure the Weasley twins or another one of her boyfriends don’t get her before I do. And maybe a Canadian TARfly will take me to Rachel after TutCon! (Hey, a panda can dream…) In the meantime, I have a REAL way to impress Rachel-walking in high heels!
Well, maybe not.
October 20, 2006 at 9:50 pm | Travels | No Comments
In Which Tai Sham Thinks Paradise Sucks Because Rachel Is Nowhere To Be Found
It took me a really long time to travel this time. I think I must be in the middle of the ocean or something! When I finally got here, I was greeted by Babalu and Mr. Lu. They told me it’s traditional to get something called a lei when you visit. I’m not sure what that is, but I think it’s some sort of flower necklace.
There are lots of Buddhists in China, where my mom and dad used to live, so I decided to share my lei with Buddha.
It turns out I’m allergic to lei. Or maybe Buddha.
I was a little jet-lagged from the long trip, so I found a nap buddy. Her name is Hokulele, which means “shooting star,” and she’s awake in this picture, but, believe me, that’s rare.
When I woke up, Mr. Lu showed me the T-shirt he bought at the National Zoo before I was even born!
Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!
Finally it was time to go look for Rachel!
At least, that’s what I thought, but the Lus insisted that I go snorkeling first. Sigh.
I had to get a mask and fins. You know what they say about the size of your feet.
We were in Waikiki,
so we FINALLY started looking for Rachel! I heard that sometimes she looks at the live web cam. I made the Lus take me there so Rachel could see me!
Since Duke Kahanamoku at the web cam site was a famous surfer, I decided to try surfing myself. It was pretty fun!
Still no Rachel - but I was starting to get a pretty good idea of where she might be.
I was geting pretty hungry, so we stopped for a snack.
Yum!!!!
Then we headed to the North Shore of the island. I decided to sit on the beach where Rose was at the beginning of Lost because she knew that she was going to get together with her beloved Bernard, just like I know that I’ll be with my beloved Rachel someday.
I asked the Lus to take me to the second Lost beach to see if my Rachel was there. I looked at the catering tent because I was afraid she might be cheating on me with Sawyer, but there didn’t appear to be anyone there.
So, I waited
and waited.
And I’ll keep waiting as long as it takes……
October 1, 2006 at 9:34 pm | Travels | No Comments
